It’s only Wednesday, and Team Resolute has already begun GABF-ing our faces off. With so many can’t-miss tappings, pairings, rare beer takeovers and other shenanigans happening around town, (not to mention the four sessions of the festival itself!) it’s easy to get chewed up and spit out by the beautiful beast that is Great American Beer Festival week!
Simply staying hydrated, rested, and well-nourished just won’t cut it. One must dig deep to get yourself through to the next tapping party. You’ve got to shift into that 7th gear, resurrect the “Frank The Tank” persona that’s been suppressed since your college days, and channel your inner Spirit Liver to elevate the imbibing onward to Sunday!
The questions remains, who is your GABF week spirit liver? Some of our staff chimed in:
Andrew Duvall, Community & Sales Manager
GABF Spirit Liver: Willie T. Stokes (Billy Bob Thorton), “Bad Santa”
There’s a distinct possibility Andrew will be seen gallivanting around Denver this week chain-smoking cigarettes in a dirty Santa suit, and you’ll surely find him ralphing in an alley behind Falling Rock Taphouse at some point. Willie’s self-loathing ways and impeccable booze tolerance in “Bad Santa” are impressive, but his drink of choice – Old Grand Dad Kentucky Bourbon Whiskey – will have to be replaced with an assortment of bourbon barrel-aged offerings throughout the fest. Pour out a Stoli and make some sandwiches in memory of his liver, will ya?
“I’m on my F@#king lunch break!”- Willie T.
Zac Rissmiller, Head Brewer
GABF Spirit Liver: Andre The Giant, Pro Wrestling & Binge Drinking Legend
The mythical 7’4” behemoth of a man and legendary pro-wrestler supposedly guzzled down 6 bottles of wine before a match, 108 twelve-ounce (macro) beers in 45 minutes prior to boarding a plane, and a meager 156 (macro) beers in a session. Zac looks to accomplish those feats this week with craft beer, making them even more impressive. Resolute mythos has it that Zac has downed 34 pints of his own Resolute Hefeweizen in a single brew day, and then proceeded to finish an entire firkin by himself to relax! Look for him do his best Andre on Friday at Denver Rare Beers, followed by an emphatic drinking rally from the top rope the next day at GABF’s AHA member’s session.
Clifton Oertli, Founding Partner/Resident Curmudgeon
GABF Spirit Liver: Charlie Kelly (Charlie Day), “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia”
Clifton, Resolute’s in-house handyman, draws numerous comparisons to Charlie from “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia”. He can always be found jerry-rigging repairs around the business, performing general Charlie work, knocking back wine from a can, and is a master of karate and friendship for everyone. This week should be no different, as he looks to make appearances around the city, including Root Shoot Malting’s GABF booth in the Beer X Pavillion showcasing Resolute’s collaboration “Colorado Roots Blonde.” Be wary though, he is not a lawyer even though he claims to be, and he eats too much cheese when he gets nervous. Dayman ah aaaa ahhhhhhhhh!
“Can I stop you, though? You keep using this word ‘jabroni.’ And…it’s awesome!” -Charlie
Jamie Gibbs, Taproom Manager
GABF Spirit Liver: Lindsay Lohan, Actress/Train Wreck Socialite
It’s only Tuesday of GABF week, and Jamie has already been up partying since Fresh Hop Fest on Saturday. While many of her friends and family are concerned for her mental and physical well being, Jamie continues to power through the GABF festivities, and looks to make her bitter presence felt at various sour beer releases around town. Our team at Resolute has made sure this mean girl takes a cab to any event she attends, as should you!
“I’m an angel compared to some of my friends.” – Lindsay Lohan
Derek Peters, Founding Partner
GABF Spirit Liver: Babe Ruth, The Sultan of Swat
Earlier this week, Derek looked straight into the mirror while clutching his liver and exclaimed, “Remember kid, there’s heroes and there’s legends. Heroes get remembered, but legends never die, follow the beer kid, and you’ll never go wrong!” With this edited and embellished Great Bambino quote from “The Sandlot”, Peters set forth into GABF week with plans to treat his body the way Ruth swung the bat- with reckless abandon!
“It’s simple kids, if you drink and smoke and eat as much as me? Well kiddos, someday you’ll be just as good at sports.”- Babe Ruth
Matt Davis, Founding Partner
GABF Spirit Liver: Don Draper (Jon Hamm) “Mad Men”
Matt has been known to start his day-to-day with five fingers of scotch before noon, casually sipping a few Manhattans for lunch, and capping off the workday with a sixer of lite macro beer. Not to mention the carton of lucky strikes he whittles his way through, all the while conducting business and family life with uncanny success. What a guy, right?! A true role model, it seems as if he was built for the marathon of consumption that is GABF.
“You don’t know how to drink. Your whole generation, you drink for the wrong reasons. My generation, we drink because it’s good, because it feels better than unbuttoning your collar, because we deserve it. We drink because it’s what men do.” – Roger Sterling
Grayson Heller, Founding Partner
GABF Spirit Liver: Sterling Archer “Archer”
Grayson works tirelessly and supports wholeheartedly his spirit liver’s employer, ISIS…(that’s International Secret Intelligence Service, readers…geeesh…what’d you think?). Grayson’s spirit Liver is a pompous, misogynist (not to worry ladies…Grayson with a wonderful wife and beautiful daughter knows how to treat women), egotistical, and attractive functioning alcoholic who routinely pauses important situations in order to imbibe the nearest ethanol-infused beverage. Keep an eye out throughout the GABF week for Grayson chugging craft ales with one finger in the air!
“I’m scared if I stop all at once, the cumulative hangover will literally kill me.” – Sterling Archer